yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize