I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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