I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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