You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
