The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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