thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
