Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize