Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
