Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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