Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
