Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
