i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
