I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
