it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
