Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize