he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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