Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
...so i touched it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
