you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
