and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
