im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
