Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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