Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
