You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
