He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
