woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
