I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
