you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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