Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
