Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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