..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
