you win again, gameday.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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