Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
