How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
