And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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