It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
