for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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