The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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