ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
