Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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