The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
