did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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