Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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