apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
