A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
