Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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