he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize