Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
