i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
