I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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