Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
