Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

Fav 22 3848 1896
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.

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(210): View more from Texas

remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues

Fav 9 1010 1945
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(616): View more from Michigan

When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."

Fav 8 2113 1381
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(636): View more from Missouri

Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

IT'S PERFEFT

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

... what?

(605): View more from South Dakota

HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.

Fav 0 104 8
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