That's intense
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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