I faked an abortion last night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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