Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
how drunk are you?
Several
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize