did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
