ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
