At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My vagina is officially offended.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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