The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
