Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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