dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
