I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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