Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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