Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He passed out mid-signature
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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