First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize