Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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