just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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