Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
