guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
