Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize